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29 July 2014

Three Good Reasons Why the Marcoses Should Rule the Philippines Again

Image part of public domain


1. FASHION WILL FLOURISH

Picture of Imelda Marcos on the phone (AP).
Taken from Daily Mail UK. Click here
The inimitable and imeldific Imelda Marcos will once again claim the fashion spotlight and show celebrities and politicians the proper way to wear a terno and the proper way to use an outfit to make a statement. Remember her blue ensemble outfit that she wore during her New York trial. What an entrance.

Our current politicians and their offspring (yes, I intentionally use offspring) use people’s money to buy ugly expensive clothes. With our experienced with Imelda, at least she bought tasteful pricey clothes with our money, “allegedly” (to quote Kathy Griffin and save my neck from legal suits). Yes, just one of her glamorous haute couture gown that she wore during her husband’s reign was enough to feed many impoverished families, but at least, poor Filipinos died from starvation knowing their beloved fashion queen had taste. Shame on Kris Aquino for using her own money buying expensive tacky clothes, and do not get me started on Nancy Binay’s Pokemon inspired gown. Thankfully, Heart Evangelista dazzled us during P-noy’s last SONA, but she used her own money to buy her outfit. She has much to learn being a politician’s wife. Lesson One for Heart: "Why use your money when you can use people’s money?"


2. EMERGENCE OF A NEW GOLDEN AGE IN PHILIPPINE CINEMA

Some of the best Filipino films were made during the Marcos dictatorship. Once the Marcoses are in power, artists may become angry again and start making movies like “Manila By Night,” “Pagdating sa Dulo,” “Maynila sa Kuko ng Liwanag,” “Minsan Isang Gamu-gamo,” “Insiang” and “Sister Stella L.” These kinds of films will dominate commercial cinemas instead of “Sisterakas,” and “She’s Dating the Gangster.” We will also weed out those elitist filmmakers who make poverty porn to get international accolades, and real socially conscious artists will make films, join rallies, and really engage in social change in the Philippines, and not in Cannes.



3. THE CHINA-PHILIPPINES CONFLICT WILL END


Chinese leader Xi Jinping.
For information about the photo,
click this.
If the Marcoses return to power, I suspect some Filipinos will take the side of China and be actively involved in the swift conquest of the Philippines. I am already declaring my willingness to be a Chinese agent provided I am allowed to dress like Lucy Liu in “Charlie’s Angels.” Once the Philippines is under China’s rule, the Chinese mainland government can easily fire the Marcoses and sentence them for allegedly stealing government funds, which was actually Philippine money but under Chinese rule, the money that the Marcoses allegedly stole will retroactively become Chinese people’s money. Most likely, at least one Marcos will be sentenced to death or beheaded. Let us not stop there. Those incompetent officials who deplorably mismanaged the Manila Hostage crisis will finally be punished. 

Yes, this is a satire (in case some of you did not get it). Labyu!

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