21 Things I Would Like to Tell My 21-Year-Old Self If I Could…

The last time that I wrote something long, I learned that some of my young readers asked for a summary of my post from their friends who had already read it. I suppose today's twenty-somethings are not used to reading long materials thanks to TikTok and Instagram. I wonder how my 21-year-old self would behave if he were a member of the new generation.  Although I have few regrets in my life, I still would like to give my 21-year-old self some advice, especially pieces of advice that I did not get. Since the target of this post is twenty-something individuals, I provided a quick list. If they have time, they can read the full text below the list. However, I have learned from experience that you always miss the best part if you opt for the shorter version.

1. Get part-time jobs 
2. Learn about money
3. Be more confident
4. Do not be afraid to make mistakes as long as they are new ones
5. Do not join the bandwagon
6. Be in the present
7. Travel
8. Be more disciplined
9. Your teachers are not always right
10. Embrace your sexuality
11. Be kind
12. Do not be afraid to be disliked
13. Help your parents live healthy
14. Choose your friends wisely
15. Let go
16. Fall in love, even with the wrong person
17. Get involved in something bigger than yourself
18. Get fit
19. Do not start smoking
20. Keep learning ahead
21. Understand that luck isn't always fair and it is random

The full text is below:

 

GET PART-TIME JOBS

Do not wait until you graduate before you start working. If you can manage, get a part-time job even if the job is not related to your course. You will learn about office dynamics better in the real workplace than in school. You will also learn work politics early on. You will be introduced to backstabbers, team players, and assortments of characters that littered the workspace. Plus, you may discover new interests. As a bonus, you will have a thick resume. Employers love a person with a good work ethic. Plus, your future employers can never claim that you do not have any experience. School is great but it is not enough to prepare you for the real life.

 

LEARN ABOUT MONEY

Professors do not teach you about money in school. The best things in life are free; that is true but you will have more freedom and more choices if you can handle your finances well early on. Learn the best way to save, and save early. Most importantly, get this through your skull: “It is all about the money.” You may not want to join the rat race, but at least, you should know everything about the rats. Your bosses may say that they have a higher goal than money but they are lying. In the end, the more money you make for your employers, the more valuable you are. Once you stop making money for them, they will find ways to replace you. They will be subtle but it is fait accompli. That is the unspoken truth. Know your worth. Work hard, and stay in a company long enough to show you have commitment but leave when you are not properly compensated. Be loyal only to companies that properly reward your loyalty.

 

BE MORE CONFIDENT

People will always belittle you so ignore them. Do not be your own enemy. Be confident. Most of the time, you will do well as long as you do your best. Anyway, you will discover later that the number one reason that you failed is that you doubted yourself. Besides, nothing is sexier and more charismatic than a confident person. Chin up even if you are unsure. In the end, it is just you. Be your own cheering squad. The rest of the crowd will eventually follow.

 

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES AS LONG AS THEY ARE NEW ONES

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. You will not accomplish and learn anything if you do not dive in and you possibly fail. Life is trial and error. It is all right to make mistakes as long as they are new mistakes. Still, learn from the mistakes of others. There are some mistakes that you do not have to commit because others have made them for you. Listen to the “right people” who are older and more experienced.

 

DO NOT JOIN THE BANDWAGON

Do not be embarrassed about the things that you like and dislike. Our tastes change. You can laugh about them later. Most importantly, do what feels right for you. Do not be a clone. Do not be a conformist. Make your own wagon instead of joining a crowded one. Some people may ridicule or shun you but those people are not worth your time. The mavericks are always more interesting anyway. In addition, do not measure success using other people's standards. As Jessica Lange said, "Don't constrain yourself with expectations of success. Success will be the by-product of the life you live and all successes are individual."

 

BE IN THE PRESENT

Plan your life; that is advisable indeed. Nevertheless, be ready for life's unexpected turn of events. Allow life to take you on an interesting journey. Enjoy the now because life is a collection of moments after all. Do not procrastinate too much. Do not cancel trips, events, gatherings, or spur-of-the-moment merriments just because you have a strict schedule to follow. You are young.  When you look back, you will be more thankful for the things you have done, than the things you have not and the things that you have bought.  Anyway, the surprises in life usually lead us to a destination that we have never imagined but eventually, we will be thankful that we stumble upon them. Be like Jessica Lange! She originally planned to be a painter, then studied photography, became a mime, a model, King Kong's girlfriend, a world-famous ballet dancer's beau, an Academy Award-winning actress, a playwright's spouse, a children's book writer, an activist, and the Supreme Witch, and she still has not stopped.

 

TRAVEL

Travel in books. Travel in movies. Travel in music. Travel in art. Moreover, really travel. Get out and explore. You can travel without spending too much but you will learn a great deal about people and yourself. You will broaden your perspective. You will be more respectful of other cultures. You will be more open-minded and more appreciative of nature. Most importantly, travel alone occasionally. The physically lonely journey will help you discover yourself. You will like yourself more, and you will appreciate other people more, even strangers. Instead of spending much money on clothes and gadgets, spend money on experience.

 

However, don’t travel just so you can post pictures on social media and brag about your fabulous trips to friends and strangers. That only means you travel to show people you are better than them. You are not a true traveler. You are just like a museum curator. You curate the best moments of your life through your fancy trips and display them for the rest of the world to see. Museums are great but they are full of dead and inanimate things. You are still alive. Of course, not everyone can travel far. Most of the time, it is not the destination but the mindset that counts. I had a French student, and he once told me a story of his Asian friend who went to Paris. His friend just took countless pictures left and right, running here and there. His friend was more concerned about getting as many things done in a day. In the end, he never really discovered Paris and the French culture.

 

BE MORE DISCIPLINED

Geniuses are dime a dozen these days, and now they are getting younger. However, discipline is what separates the great from the run-of-the-mill geniuses. Choose to run the marathon and not the sprint.

 

YOUR TEACHERS ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT

Your teachers and mentors can help you but they are not you. Most teachers are products of their own milieu. They carry with them their old antiquated beliefs. Their words are not gospel truths, even if they come from the Gospels. Depending on your religious belief, God (whether the figurative or the real god) will reveal himself or herself to you. You are your best teacher, and you can achieve true learning by deconstructing, examining, and re-examining what is being taught to you. Think for yourself and choose your mentors wisely.

 

EMBRACE YOUR SEXUALITY

You are a sexual being. Do not be ashamed of the pleasure you can give and get. Respect your body and the bodies of your lovers. You can never detach the body from the person; otherwise, you are not making love. You are just masturbating. Do not do anything that will harm your body. Protect yourself. Practice safe sex or abstain if that is your choice. Do not be pressured to be promiscuous just because it is cool. Do not also listen to religious prudes who label everything as sin. Believe me, they are just envious because you choose not to deny your sexuality, but they deny theirs.

 

BE KIND

In the end, kindness is all that matters. Be nice. Bitchiness is extremely overrated. People will open doors for you if you are genuinely kind but do not be gullible. Remember, people have their own agenda as well. Be kind with open eyes and ears.

 

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO BE DISLIKED

You cannot please everyone and you should not. Simply put, if nobody hates you, you are not doing anything worthwhile. If someone crosses you, belittles you, or disrespects you, you must stand your ground. Get angry properly. Make them strike first, so you can determine their strength. The first person to attack usually loses physically and morally. Most importantly, choose your battle wisely. Generals should never fight with foot soldiers. On the flip side, do not be so judgmental.

 

HELP YOUR PARENTS LIVE HEALTHY

Be a good child. Take care of your parents early on. Encourage them to live healthily. Exercise with them. Introduce them to a healthy lifestyle if they are not into it yet. If your parents remain healthy during their old age, you will have more freedom, and your parents will continue to live independently and happily. Paying attention to them early is your best gift to them and to yourself.

 

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY

The person who is always nice to you is not always your true friend. It is easy to distinguish a true friend from a false one. True friends stay with you during hard work. True friends stay with you when the champagne is no longer flowing. False friends only show up for the success and the celebration. True friends are always there with you at your lowest point. True friends are not narcissistic. They never hog the spotlight. They share it with you.

 

LET GO

Let go, in both love and life. Sometimes, things just do not work out as you planned. Do not burden yourself with the past. Move on even if the loss has made you emotionally and mentally crippled. Try harder to get back on your feet. Believe me. The next one is even better, and you will never see it if you keep looking from behind. The departed will never return. Hope is always in front of you. Elsa is right, "Let it go!"

 

FALL IN LOVE, EVEN WITH THE WRONG PERSON

Fall in love! And if one love ends, fall in love again.  Being in love is the most beautiful thing even if you have the misfortune of loving someone who does not reciprocate; at least you can tell yourself that you are still capable of loving a person. You are not cold. You are still alive. Anyway, the wrong person will usually lead you to the right one. True love does not happen during a specific age. You may find it in your twenties, thirties, and even late in the game. Love is a surprise. Open yourself up, but leave when you first see "bull shit." Do not buy into the statement, "I'm leaving you because I love you." Bull shit! Love stays for the struggle. Period!

 

GET INVOLVED IN SOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOURSELF

Help out. Find a cause. Volunteer to a progressive organization that helps liberate people. Avoid charities that actually deceptively propagate poverty, ignorance, inequality, and oppression. Be genuinely involved. Do not volunteer just because it is a great "selfie moment." Even better, make charity more personal. Instead of helping a big charitable organization, find a friend, a neighbor, or a co-worker who may need some help.

 

When I had a higher income, I became involved with a charitable organization and started contributing a portion of my earnings each month. However, I discovered that the cleaning lady at our company was struggling financially. I found out that her family ran a small food business on the streets. Investing in her small business could significantly improve their situation.

 

GET FIT

Do not try to be super thin or have the perfect body. Just stay healthy. Get the natural body that nature intended you to have. Do not emulate those celebrities on magazine covers. Be active or athletic. As Elle Woods said, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands (or wives or other people).” Seriously, the healthier you are, the happier you will be. Looking good is just a bonus.

 

DO NOT START SMOKING

Smoking can make you look cool and it can piss the right people but there are better ways to accomplish those. If you start smoking, quitting will be hell. I am still trying.

 

KEEP LEARNING AHEAD

Do not be happy with the education that you received. Everything will become obsolete. Learn new things. Always be on the lookout for the new. Give new things the benefit of the doubt. Terrible ideas are the parents of great ideas. If you keep learning, you keep growing. Read books and the right ones. Text messages and tweets do not count. Read the old-fashioned way. Read really thick books. Believe me, the more you learn, the more you will realize how ignorant you are. Even better, if you keep learning, you will not be anybody's fool. 

 

UNDERSTAND THAT LUCK ISN'T ALWAYS FAIR AND IT IS RANDOM

Finally, luck plays a significant role in our lives. I am fortunate to live in a country that offers more freedom and security compared to those in war-torn regions. Additionally, I am grateful that my parents had the financial means to send me to school, allowing me to learn English and write this post. If you're reading this, you're likely privileged to have both the time and access to technology such as smartphones and computers.

 

I have witnessed individuals who work diligently and possess high skill levels yet fail to achieve the financial success that society often glorifies. Conversely, individuals who win the genetic lottery by being born tall and attractive can effortlessly attract attention, like the man who gained fame simply by purchasing an organic cleanse juice and now earns millions from product endorsements. In contrast, my friend passed away before completing his film after facing numerous rejections. He was short and not traditionally attractive. In his wake, a beautiful actress whom he once worked with cried and many people looked at her with affection, which made me wonder - Who was the star of the wake? While this reality may seem unjust, it is important not to be depressed about it.

We all experience varying degrees of luck and misfortune. Consider luck as a cake falling from the sky: if it lands on you and you catch it without harm, that's fantastic. If it smashes onto your head, find humor in the situation and perhaps salvage a portion to enjoy.

“Let us, then, be up and doing,

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait.”

– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Note: Jessica Lange's quotes taken from her commencement speech at Sarah Lawrence College.