“Is ChatGPT My New Bestie?” (Or The Real Deal on Getting Rich: Straight Talk with ChatGPT)

Let's get straight to the point. I asked ChatGPT how to be rich and as expected, the Great Digital Deity gave me an icy yet objective list of things to do. The usual stuff came up.

I need to educate myself. I have to set clear goals, even advising me to define the word "rich." As always, I must create a budget and save. Dear Lord, not the "s" word. Chatty also recommended that I invest wisely. In this volatile market?! And gulp, I must increase my income. Tell that to my many employers, past and present! Managing my debt, I have to admit, is a very sound piece of advice. However, building networks and relationships and starting my own business seem daunting and time-consuming. And as any wise old guru, ChatGPT calmly reminded me to be patient and persistent. To top it all, like your run-of-the-mill therapist, Dr. Chaterine Gupta, ChatGPT MD,  urged that I make smart lifestyle choices. Say what? Aren't we a little bit judgy here, doc? You don't know me. Who are you to question my lifestyle choices?

On the other hand, ChatGPT did not just emphasize material wealth. The Software Sage also suggested that I get involved in philanthropy. Giving back is not only fulfilling but can offer tax benefits. A lesson I am certain is based on countless Google search results on Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey.

Nonetheless, life coach and financial guru, Dr. Gupta, ended by enlightening me that becoming rich is a journey that requires planning, discipline, and a proactive approach to managing my finances.

Still feeling completely unsatisfied, I asked ChatGPT a more detailed question. I ask,

“How can I be rich if I only earn 20,000 Philippine pesos a month (or 363 US dollars),  and 25% to 30% of my salary is set aside to pay for my electricity; the remaining is for food and other essential expenses?”

The Magnificent Mathematical Mage gave me basically the same answers but it did advise me to plan my meals around affordable, nutritious ingredients and buy in bulk when possible to save on food costs. Really? Do you know how expensive nutritious ingredients are? Organic pesticide-free vegetables cost an arm and three legs. When I want to save, I am always forced to buy pesticide-laced veggies and GMO fruits that look suspiciously and geometrically perfect or I can buy bananas that are on the verge of a nervous breakdown, meaning the yellow peel has turned dark brown.

ChatGPT also proposed that I avail of government and community resources, and even NGOs to learn about available assistance programs. Hmm? Really? I want to be rich. I don’t want to chop off a big chunk of charitable services that are meant for people who are less privileged than I am. Come on chatty!

Still, the business-savvy AI proposed several side hustles such as freelancing and online gigs. I should offer skills such as writing, graphic design, or digital marketing online, which is an ironic recommendation considering AI has been stealing these kinds of jobs from real people. Writing? Aren't you already doing that ChatGPT? Graphic design, have you heard of Dall-E? People are even selling marketing books that are full of strategies written by ChatGPT.

But the final straw was when ChatGPT suggested that I do some language tutoring or teaching online, which is actually my full-time job. Bad news, Mr. Artificial Intelligence Know-it-all, this online teaching job hasn't made me rich and I have been doing it for a decade.

In the end, I just had to resort to something drastic and quick. I asked ChatGPT,

“What lottery numbers have frequently appeared in the Philippine 6-42 lottery over the past year?”

I patiently waited for the Magical Artificial Mage to reveal the winning numbers. A few seconds later, I got the results. The most frequently drawn numbers in the Philippine 6-42 lottery over the past year are:

04 - Drawn 263 times

19 - Drawn 263 times

15 - Drawn 254 times

12 - Drawn 251 times

20 - Drawn 248 times

39 - Drawn 248 times

16 - Drawn 244 times

30 - Drawn 244 times

07 - Drawn 242 times

27 - Drawn 242 times

I then asked ChatGPT to give me the best combination.
And here it is: 4, 12, 15, 19, 20, 39.

However, like Isabelle Rosellini’s character in “Death Becomes Her,” ChatGPT issued a warning.

Chatty cautioned, “These numbers have shown a high frequency of appearance, increasing the likelihood that they might appear again. However, it's important to remember that lottery outcomes are random, and no combination can guarantee a win. Playing responsibly and for fun is always the best approach.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Whatever!

So I went out and bought a lottery ticket with this winning combination.

Bad news! I lost. ChatGPT only got one number right, 4, which is bad luck in Cantonese because the Cantonese words for “four” and “death” are homophonous (which means words that have the same pronunciation but different meanings).

That didn’t work but I won’t give up. I will bet again next time.

No luck so far. So, let’s get creative. Money, money, money, please come to me! How can I become rich really quickly? I know. Find a sugar daddy or mommy. So, with the enthusiasm and naiveite of Marilyn Monroe in “How to Marry a Millionaire,” I ask Lady ChatterlyGPT,

“How can I get a sugar daddy or mommy if I look average and I am no longer in my twenties?”

ChatGPT’s answer really warmed my aching and impoverished heart. Bestie ChatGPT lovingly said,

“Finding a sugar daddy or mommy doesn't necessarily depend on being in your twenties or having movie-star looks. Many sugar daddies and mommies are looking for genuine connections, companionship, and specific qualities that go beyond age or physical appearance.”

Aww.

Now, the AI genius did list some practical steps to snatch me a sugar parent but, by this point, I realized that I don’t need money or a rich person to cater to my every material whim. I have ChatGPT to keep me company and answer all my questions

Such as:

Me: Why can't people just fall in line?

ChatGPT: “People are diverse and have their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs…  diversity in perspectives and approaches often leads to innovation, progress, and a richer understanding of the world.”

Me: I have never thought about it that way. Thanks! But, why did Vanessa say she read my post when it is so obvious she didn't?

ChatGPT: “It's possible that Vanessa might have misunderstood or misspoken. People sometimes say things without fully considering the implications or without realizing that they might be misleading others. It's also possible that she might have intended to read your post but forgot or got distracted. Communication can be complex, and misunderstandings can happen even when people have the best intentions. It might be helpful to clarify with Vanessa directly to ensure mutual understanding.”

Me: You know what? You’re right. I’m so quick to judge. It is so Vanessa to lie like that just to protect other people’s feelings. I’ll just let it go. But why did my ex leave me after all we’ve been through?

[Note: for this part, I asked ChatGPT to answer like it is my "bestie" talking]

ChatGPT: “Hey girl, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. Breakups suck, but they happen for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes, it's just that you and your boo are heading in different directions and growing apart. Other times, there might be too many arguments or issues that just can't be fixed. But please remember, it's not about you not being good enough. It's about both of you and what you need in your lives right now. It's totally normal to feel super hurt and lost but trust me, with time and some serious self-reflection, you'll start to see things more clearly and feel better. Surround yourself with your ride-or-die friends and fam, don't hesitate to talk to a pro if you need to, and most importantly, take care of yourself, boo. You got this!”

Believe it or not, ChatGPT ended the advice with a heart emoji.

What! We're doomed!

 

Click image to enlarge

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KEY WORDS
"Unlocking Wealth: ChatGPT's No-Nonsense Guide to Financial Success"
"From Budgeting to Sugar Daddies: Navigating the Path to Riches with ChatGPT"
"The AI Guru's Guide: Strategies for Wealth Building and Beyond"
"ChatGPT's Wealth Wisdom: Practical Steps to Financial Freedom"
"Beyond the Lottery: Practical Tips for Building Wealth with ChatGPT"
"The Road to Riches: Practical Advice from ChatGPT, Your Digital Mentor"
"Navigating the Maze of Money: ChatGPT's Insights on Wealth Creation"
"From Budgeting to Billionaires: ChatGPT's Blueprint for Financial Success"
"Thinking Outside the Box: Unconventional Strategies for Wealth with ChatGPT"